Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
