Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
