I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
