I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
there's paper in my vomit.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I have already put on my inside pants.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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