Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
