Already got asked if we're dating
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
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