if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
