omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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