Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
