Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
