Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
