he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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