You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
