Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
