dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
