I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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