Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
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