There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
