mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
