i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
