do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Randomize
