Swine flu. Run for my life!
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
