We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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