D3 body, D1 cock
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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