Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
