All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
