see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
