I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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