hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I love you.
Bad choice
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
