The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
