Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
