I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
All I want is dick and wine.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
