EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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