you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
