So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
