How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
