I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You need Xanax blowdarts
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
