i need an iv and a liver transplant
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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