I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
