dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
