I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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