Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
