Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
