so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
