I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
