Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
