I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
