Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
