Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
