He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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